Fearless Folks … autism and beyond …

Summer has proven to be a good break for both kids.  Nick is more subdued (no need to adjust his meds, he’s back to his “old” self… and I didn’t even have to leave the planet… hey, good times!!).  I think he was tired, you know how teens get.  So far he’s been out swimming at the beach with me, hanging out with his grandparents, and kayaking with his dad … and so far so good–no additional pressures.  He’s a sensitive boy with social and anxiety issues.  And on top of all that, it’s just plain tough to be a teen.  Except he did ask me when he could start drinking beer.  I told him 30!!

Meghan is her usual self, still playing her little song and dance routine and staying one step ahead of her teachers, staff, headmaster, CEO of her school, and probably, the President of the United States too.  At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised.  (Don’t tell me if you hear anything on the news about her, because I just don’t wanna know!!)

Her contact teacher told me that they just keep trying new things to get Meghan to stay in compliance.  She has a tendency to get bored and plays tricks, like, um … everyday!  Even her rewards (m&m’s, peanut butter toast, ice cream) become boring to her and they need to try something else.  I know, I know, how does one get bored of m&m’s and ice cream??  It’s just beyond my ability to comprehend!!

Because of all this, I asked her contact teacher if the school would kick her out, because of the non-compliance and other crap stuff she dishes out… the teacher laughed and said no.  and I said:  “oh good (big sigh of relief) because I would hate to have to move to another planet..”

In my opinion summer brings more than just good weather.  It’s a happier time. People are easygoing (well most) and both my kids seem happier… so I’m happier.  I thought it also a good time to take some leaps (besides leaping to another planet), I’ve decided to test out leaving Nick home alone (he is 16). My initial plan was to drive to CVS (about 3 minutes away) and then come back… but he didn’t like the “car leaving the driveway without him in it” idea,  so I am going to take bike rides instead.  I will go around the block and come back and then go again for a longer time each time while working to build his confidence.  I think he’ll feel really good about himself if he sees how easy it is to be home alone and to trust himself.  We’ll see.

And me?  I think I’ll get back into tennis and take lessons with a real hottie guy at a nearby tennis club!  Yup, I’m really thinking now!!

Have a happy 4^th.  I’m seeing some good friends and hanging out at a bonfire on the beach and letting go of all my personal crap woes …. While continuing to hang out on “this” planet, soaking in some summer fun and be merry-ish!

Nick has been going through a bit of a tough time lately and I’m wondering if it’s his meds or hormones.  Once a long time ago a higher dose of his medication (Luvox) proved to be too much for him and the side effects were extreme OCD, (he kept talking to himself, saying the same words over and over again) which took a couple of days to wean off.  But lately he’s been a lot more irritable and behavioral than usual (frankly he’s never been this cranky before) biting his hand (which was amazing to see because I’ve only seen Meghan do that) and throwing small items around—like a magnet from the refrigerator—nothing significant.  But these little tantrums are significant because they seem to really bother him—and me too.  I heard him in the bathroom the other night struggling with himself; talking to himself about feeling angry, with bits of rage showing through.  Today, his last day of school, he came home in a “cranky” mood (that’s what he’s calling it) and kept asking me why he was so cranky and got all mad because it’s his last day of school and he’s supposed to be happy, so why was he cranky? And all I could do was reassure him that everyone in his age group gets cranky once in a while, it’s natural (being very careful about the words used because he doesn’t like to be called a teenager or getting older or getting bigger… ugh!).  I was honest though and told him it could be hormones or his medication, but it didn’t seem to help much.  Actually the worst part about his cranky behavior is the very irrational conversations we can have… It’s sort of like circling around the same problem over and over again and never getting anywhere, like spinning around a rotary going 100 miles an hour… around and around and around….

Nick:  yelling and banging the table and the wall “Why am I cranky?”

Me: calm “I don’t know.”

Nick:  “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me:  “I can’t know everything, Nick.”

Nick:  More kicking going on.

Me:  “Don’t kick that!”

Nick:  “I didn’t kick anything!”

Me:  “Yes you did.”

Nick:  “Did you see me kick that?”

Me:  “Yeah”

Nick:  “Ughhhh!!”  More hand biting.  “What do you mean you saw me kick that, I didn’t do it!”

Me:  Do you think you could get the mail for me, your MAD magazine (which he loves) might be in there today (using distraction as a strategy and getting a MAD magazine in the mail was a long shot.  I knew that!).

Nick:  “Ughhhhh!” (more hand biting) “Why am I CRANKY?  It’s my last day of school I don’t know why I’m CRANKY.” (fist punches in the air)

Me:  “No one likes being cranky it just happens sometimes.  It’s okay.” (but actually thinking that it could be his meds or that he has another disorder…)

Nick:  More hand biting and banging walls… (I guess “it’s okay” was another trigger word)  “What do you mean it’s okay?  It’s not okay!  That doesn’t make sense.”  Looking at me with his hands held out and getting angrier, “why are you making me cranky??”

Me:  Collapsing in a chair ready to surrender…“Beam me up Scotty!”

Nick: straight-faced, not quite sure what that meant but was thinking about it, as if he’s Heard. That. Somewhere. Before???  A mere distraction on my part but while he was thinking, more hand biting and banging was going on.  “Why am I CRANKY!!”

More banging … banging the table, banging the wall, scaring the cat (poor Coco)

Me:  “STOP!”

Nick:  “What?  I’m not banging around, why do you think I’m banging around…?”

I could go on and on for the whole hour or so that this was going on, but since I like you, I will spare you all the ugly details.  Just know that he seemed to have struggled quite a bit wondering why he was so cranky and not wanting to take responsibility for his actions… as if he was ashamed.  Meanwhile, I will put a call in to the doctor, you know the shrink that controls his meds… and see what he has to say (if anything), but perhaps this is one for the neurologist?  And during what seemed to be a lapse in his temper, I asked him, once again, to get the mail by using the most “happy to be alive and living here” cheerleader-like tone (still waiting for Scotty), so he did, and when he came back, a MAD magazine was sitting on top.  Now isn’t that a gift?!

Meghan’s weekly update was interesting.  Remember how I mentioned that she had a little “cheeky” fun with the teachers during the last few weeks? Remember how she wouldn’t get out of the van; she would just lie across the seat or lie on the ground and the teachers would have to carry her away? Well it seems she has decided to not get out of the van permanently!  All week long she’s sat in the van from the moment it arrived at school in the morning, until lunchtime, when she would then jump out and proceed straight to the cafeteria.  And how would she know when it was lunchtime?  Well through her stomach, of course, and she was usually right on the money, too.  Hey, chowtime is serious stuff!! 

The interesting issue (if this is an issue?  More like a phase) is that Meghan’s non-compliance isn’t due to her being upset; she just thinks it’s funny.  But since she is requesting to do her work all the same (um, just in the van), then they are allowing her to stay put and giving her her work (in the van) while the (very confused but probably very flattered) van driver leaves it running so she can have, um, air conditioning so that she is nice and comfortable while not complying!  Hmm?  Still with me?  Now I’ve heard of choosing to work outside, sitting under a nice-big-beautiful-shady Oak. You know the kind that dangle and twist and almost seems to whisper to you while resting against its chunky trunk, enjoying its lively branches churning in the wind … Ahhh, nice!  But a van?  Meghan has chosen to do her work in a “van.”  A smelly-old-vinyl-sticking-to-your-sweaty-ass van?

Hey, whose daughter is this anyway???  The girl’s got the power, but, baby, she sure don’t know how to use it!!

But one unfortunate day Meghan’s stomach was just a little bit off and she missed lunchtime in the cafeteria, so they had to have it sent to the classroom.  (And if I were one of the teachers, I would’ve been chanting to myself, oh this could be trouble…holy hell, let’s hit the deck!!)  So when Meghan showed up and realized what had happened—that her stomach-clock had defied her!  NO!! Mind you she loves her food, but not as much as how she likes to control what she’s getting and how much extra food she can trick the easily charmed lunch ladies in giving her! (uh-huh!!)  So with the food delivery and the revelation that she would have to settle for lunch in the classroom, she started to charge toward a teacher to “aggress on her” (attack her) but at the last moment she stopped and tossed herself into a nearby chair and immediately showed that she was going to use her “Good Hands” (Good Hands is the terminology used at school to remind Meghan not to hurt herself or others).  The teachers were extremely impressed by her self-control and problem solving (and so is her mom!).  Actually as Meghan started to lose control, they were all thinking that this could be the day she would break her excellent 3 months of NO HOLDS and perfect weeks record.  But no go, still good!! So hooray for Meghan!

Let me also tell you (um, brag again) because I’m a proud mom (I know, but just let me do it, I get very few of these Gold Star moments!) that a few day later she started to bite her hand and pull her hair because the room she was in wasn’t quiet enough (sounds of the other girls sometimes overwhelm her—sensory issue), usually the teacher will ask her if she needs to leave the room, and she usually does, but not this time, this time she said No, while showing good hands and working it out on her own.  No more hand-biting, not more yanking at her hair, no aggression toward anyone else, she got through it on her own and was fine.

Are you saying, Oh my God! How Amazing?  Well I am!  And to tell you the truth, I just want to sing hallelujah or something… but I know Nick would run away scared since I can’t hold a tune!  So I’ll just give my kudos to the teachers and say, this kind of progress would not have been achievable if she were still living at home, it’s just not possible—not for Meghan.

I’m reading a book called Best Friends Forever, by Jennifer Weiner, and a passage from it stood out for me like a neon light. My eyes blew open and I thought, Ahh, that’s exactly it:

“He would be, in some ways, like a child until he died, and it was tragic, to be sure, but there was something almost fairy-tale-ish about it.  [He] would age, but he’d never grow up, never have to worry about the things grown-ups worried about.”

I often think this way about Nick.  His future is still a mystery to me. I mean, I’ve never raised or been around a child / teen / adult with his disorder:  PDD NOS and mild MR  (still can’t even say those words… it’s just too hard because to me it means he can’t do something or he can never be someone he might want to be, like a scientist, as in David Banner, as in the Incredible Hulk!  Hey, it’s inspiration, right?).

I don’t know since his teachers all feel he’ll do great working in a cafeteria, taking out the trash.  I’m being a tad bit sarcastic but it’s not too far off the mark of how some people interpret his future.

Sometimes I look at him and think:  This boy sure is lazy.  And so immature!  I mean he laughs at silly stuff on television, stuff that only a little boy would laugh at.  He is nowhere near what other 16-year-old kids can do.  They’re all going out with their friends, getting ready to go to proms, learning to drive cars, getting jobs.  I found this out recently when I walked into my local supermarket and saw a classmate of Nick’s working behind the register and yelled out “Hey, Ms. Collins, how’s Nick?”

I said, “Fine and I didn’t know you worked here?”

“Yeah, she said, and I’m going to the prom this year too…”

And I was thinking Nick’s not going to a prom. He can’t even go to a silly little dance on his own (mind you, NOT MY CHOICE).

This girl was staring at me all happy and smiling and wearing makeup and probably having sex now, too. And Oh my God, she used to play with my kids in my backyard, jumping on the trampoline, finger-painting with Meghan.   I felt like I’d just been fed through some sort of time warp; she’s moved on but my kids are still lagging behind.  I felt sick collecting my groceries and watching this “girl” do a job that may take Nick ten more years to be able to do—or maybe not be able to do.

Thank God I have friends who like to drink and that they’re on speed dial!!

The point I’m trying to make is that it’s so hard to focus on the “can dos” when the “can’t dos” are glaring at me like neon signs.  Time is moving on and we are NOT keeping up with the Joneses’ kids, and it’s hard to take sometimes.

I know I’m feeling sorry for myself, but so what, I’m entitled once in a while to do this, especially when stuff like this sneaks up on me in such a brutal way, showing no mercy!  And I know I should be focusing on staying “positive” and telling myself: focus on what my kids CAN do and help them be happy doing it, something like that… bla bla bla… As I’m trying to type with a laptop keyboard that is missing the P and K keys—notably plucked out and chewed up by one Miss Meghan—see what I’m saying? 

And do I note that last part as something Meghan can do?

Sometimes I’m amazed that I’m not some extremely fat raging alcoholic with suicidal tendencies… Just amazed!!

A friend of mine sent me this article… 

Online PR News – 18-January-2010 – Initial findings of an autism behavioral intervention study being conducted in Phoenix, AZ, reveal that Behavior Imaging (B.I.) technology can significantly aid families and health professionals in more effectively treating children with autism.

 

This is the second study involving the use of Behavior Imaging in a clinical environment. In August of 2009, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) funded a study to determine the effectiveness of Behavior Imaging among special-needs health care providers. Results showed that 81% of the participants in the study found Behavior Imaging to be “favorable” for the analysis of behaviors.

 

Caring Technologies (Boise, ID) develops Behavior Imaging solutions to facilitate the observational, analytical and collaborative needs of Behavioral Healthcare and Special Education professionals. Behavior Imaging™ solutions enable collaboration and consultation between patients and professionals through novel video capture and a secure health record application that allows users to store, share, and annotate video and other health data. For more information about Caring Technologies, visit caringtechnologies.com.

 

Click here for the full article.

Web site:  http://www.caringtechnologies.com/

Recording the stories of our lives…  I received this email and link that I thought was really “cool”!  Read and check out StoryCorps web site and the beautiful interview on the Q&A link.

I wanted to share a powerful new online video with you that was just released today by the Peabody Award-winning organization StoryCorps. In “Q&A,”Joshua Littman, a 12-year-old boy with Asperger’s syndrome, interviews his mother, Sarah. Joshua’s unique questions reveal some of the complexities of autism, and Sarah’s loving, unguarded answers present the best—and the most challenging—parts of being the mother.

For more great mom stories, check out StoryCorps’ newest book, Mom: A Celebration of Mothers from StoryCorps. Mom can be purchased at bookstores across the country and online at StoryCorps’ book page: www.storycorps.org/book.

 

http://storycorps.org/

http://storycorps.org/animation/

 

The consensus is: Meghan seems much happier these days.  This is the opinion of her teachers, staff, and me, her mom!  As I mentioned before, I get updates from her contact teacher once a week.  This teacher tells me all about her week:  the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It’s like sitting down with a fortune teller and having your cards read:  Omg, is that the devil card? It’s a nail-biting moment; I just never know what I’m going to hear.

The information that I get is compiled from her own personal experience working with Meghan (so it comes from the heart) and from written reports from every teacher.  The information is so detailed that I even get the lowdown on the very snack Meghan chooses on any given day.

The one thing I know is that she feels comfortable at school.  So much so that she tries to pull her creative manipulation on the teachers at her house—doing whatever she can to try and get her way.  Sometimes she will bite her hand when it’s clear that her tactics just won’t work with them; other times she laughs along with her teachers as if she knows they are catching on to her strategies!  Her latest “amusement” was when she and the other kids were getting on their van after school to go back to their house, Meghan decided to lie down on the parking lot ground.  She went to the center of the parking lot, lay down and starting laughing at herself.  The teachers had no choice, because of a safety issue, to pick her up (it took 3 of them) and “carry” her back to the van, while Meghan laughed hysterically.  If I know Meghan—and I do—then I know how much she enjoyed this extra attention!  And the extra service wasn’t bad either!!  I mean really, who wouldn’t want to be carried around wherever they went. Right?  (That’s my girl!) So I’m telling you, Meghan is a mastermind at figuring out ways to get what she wants. (Meghan the Mastermind at Manipulation:  Hey, I’m thinking a new cartoon character?!) And since she’s a true Gemini, one can never know what her reaction might be when she’s unsuccessful.

But besides all that, one thing is clear, Meghan is so much happier than she’s ever been.  It has taken almost 2 years to reach this level (Oy vey!) and I think it’s due to the consistency of her daily life, and the supports within her school community that has made such a positive impact.

Let me tell you though, Meghan has always been a tough cookie! (Mmm, I’m baking cookies, that’s why I said that!) When she first arrived at residential school, she was as good as gold for many weeks (the well know “honeymoon period”) and she was probably thinking that since she was sooo good, she would just end up going back home (like, hey, this girl’s a SAINT—it’s Saint Meghan!)  But “when” she knew that wouldn’t happen, she started up with her second strategy:  Aggression.  (Hey, who’s this devil girl!) When she thought she could get her way by biting me and pulling my hair, she tried it with just about every single teacher and sometimes all of them at once (hey, it’s Gutsy Girl!).  Little did she know at the time, however, that it wouldn’t work.  In fact, she kept trying it out—putting them to the ultimate test—and it kept failing, so much that Holds were put in place and tested for what seemed like way too long. (jeeezzz)

But a year and a half later, we believe (hope) she realizes, as strong-minded as she is, that she can’t always expect to get her way.  It’s okay to have bad days, moody days, and days that you just want to put up a fight.  But we all have days like that, and I think Meghan is starting to get the hang of it.  (Who knows though, so check back later.  I need to have a cookie…)

But what I’ve learned is this:  The lessons learned in life are just harder to grasp for our spectrum kids. It takes time and patience and good, strong, knowledgeable staff to help you.  I’m telling you, one person cannot do this alone!

Sometimes I think that I’m too busy or preoccupied while moving about my day, getting things done, that I become a bit too oblivious to my kids needs.  I was very much conscious of this fact when Meghan first went off to residential school, and I wanted to make sure that “both” my kids were okay with it.  It’s a terrible thing if one—or both—kids think that you have just dumped them off somewhere—like, you don’t want Meghan anymore?  I worked very hard to make sure they both knew that they were loved and that this was not a replacement of a loving home.  In fact, the word “home” is only used to indicate her home with her family—not her school.

I think about this often, and this past weekend when Meghan was “home” was no different. I walked into my bedroom and found both Meghan and Nick cuddled up together playing Cartoon Network games on my laptop.  Actually Nick was just watching Meghan play (Meghan can be a bit stingy this way), but he was enjoying his time with her.  It was so sweet to see, and I was thinking that this was Nick’s way of reconnecting with his sister and letting her know that he missed her.  What’s even more interesting is that before she left to live most of the time at school, (almost 2 whole years ago) they didn’t have this kind of close relationship.  In fact, it was the opposite.  Nick would be annoyed when Meghan came too close to him, or used his stuff.  And when Nick was playing on the computer, he would yell at her to leave him alone.  And when she wouldn’t (of course, the unrelenting nagging sister), they would end up rolling on the floor fighting—like dogs! Clawing at each other … blood gushing everywhere… (Ha!  Just kidding, I couldn’t resist!)  But one would start it (Meghan) and they would set each other off. 

Not anymore! He now has this special time with his sister when she comes home; sitting as close as possible, his head resting on her shoulder while she smiles away playing her games.

I wondered if I did this enough too.  Sometimes you realize that your kids really do tell you (show you) how to be a better parent.  I realized on the day she was leaving (Sunday) that I was too preoccupied with getting her ready…  Making her presentable… Making sure she had everything she needed in her backpack, and new clothes in her bag, that I forgot to have this special time with her, too.  I do, of course, enjoy these weekends with her.  And I tell her that I love her all the time—but that can become a bit rote sometimes, doesn’t it?  So I sat down on the side of the bed and let her feel my belly (something she likes to do) and I hugged her and told her that she was a very good girl… and a very special girl… and that everyone at home and at school loves her fun, carefree spirit.  I looked her in the eyes, and with a big smile, I asked her if she knew this, too?  No reply, only a smile. But I knew she enjoyed the hug, and I believe she “heard” the kind words.  In fact, we hugged and held on just a little bit longer than usual, at least until her bus beeped and I had to start pulling away.

Have you heard the one about Meghan and her path to destruction!

Well I think you have, but this is a new one:

A few months back we bought Meghan her very own little laptop.  Remember how she likes to play with mine (been in the shop 10 times to boot). Well hers is (um, was) one of those super cute Acer ones that are lightweight and comes in a variety of super cute, fun colors…

Well one day I left her in a room with her Acer, thinking that all was good for the moment:  She was laughing along with her favorite Cartoon Network characters (pretty much all she uses a computer for anyway: Cartoon Network silly games), so I began doing other things while still listening out for her (only hearing her funny hysterical laughter!). Then after a few minutes I heard another sound, similar to her hysterical laughter but different, so I stopped what I was doing (literally freezing in motion, not even breathing—I think you know what I mean!) and listened very closely:  it sort of sounded like she was having a fun time, but her laugh was just a bit different—a little off.  So I thought nothing about it and carried on with what I was doing.  A few minutes later I walked into my bedroom, where Meghan likes to hang out and play on her laptop, and noticed a scowl on her face.  I immediately looked at her computer and noticed it was all mangled and slightly “beheaded” with wires coming out in all different directions.  Ugh!

My eyes blew open and I asked that all too familiar rhetorical question:  “What happened to it??”

(Well, Meghan happened to it, of course, and why can’t I learn…)

So I looked around to try and solve the mystery:  what could have gone so wrong—and so quickly too?  And then I saw it!  During her—little rough—fun and play, she’d inadvertently unplugged the cord connecting the power to the computer. The cute as hell (f-ing cheap) handy dandy little computer only had a 2 second battery life, so… 

I wasn’t there to help her fix the problem and she took matters into her own hands: by flipping out and ripping it apart.  It sounds so savage, doesn’t it??

So I started to think… and with a little goading by a friend, that since it was still new, and just “happened” to get broken… and since it was still under warranty…  So I thought, yes, good idea—very good idea!!

So the very next day I took the bits and pieces of what was left of the computer, along with the electrical wires hanging out and kind of conformed it to “sort of look like” the actual computer—at least a very good interpretation of it!!   Good enough! And I handed it to Meghan’s dad and said:  “Oh, here, take this back to Walmart and tell them it “broke” and that you need another one.”

He looked at it, then at me, then again at it, then again at me…

I know, I know, so I said: “ it’s okay, we’re under warranty…   just do it and see what happens, okay?”

He takes it and leaves, and I start singing to myself:  See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya! (interject some hysterical laughter!!)

(Ohhh, NOW I know where Meghan gets it!!)

That very afternoon I get a call from him, he said two managers were looking at it for a while and they finally said:  “Um, this appears to be a ‘destruction of property’” (well, hell yeah!), “anyway, they won’t give you a new one and they were looking at me like: what the fu**!  It was very embarrassing!!”

And I said, “Yeah, well, welcome to my world, buddy!”

Meghan just came home with a “Perfect Week Award”—this is number 2—so we are making good progress!!  At school she’s been better at using her communication device and books, along with some easy sign language, to let her teachers know when she’s upset about something—before she goes over the edge!  If she is upset, the most she’s been doing is biting her hand and some self-inflicted hair pulling, but the teachers do their best to intervene to help her redirect her frustration into effective communication.  So Yay for Meghan!!

I also noticed that she’s much happier these days.  At least it seems like she is.  She has had nice weekends at home and has been going back to school without issues or hesitation.  We seem to be on a “roll of success” with Meghan…. (Knock on wood!)

So please don’t mind if I take a quick moment to enjoy it:  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh……

Also on an interesting note:  I went to a psychic recently to have my Tarot cards read. (I know, I know, but I like psychics!) and she told me that both my kids are going to be just fine. This is the second time I’ve heard this from a psychic so I finally said: “Um, WHAT, but they have autism, surely you can tell me more…???”  She said that they will always be autistic, obviously, but they are working hard to be the best that they can be and they’re going to be just fine.  She said it in a way that told me to have faith! 

So I will!  And how nice is that!?

I really do like psychics!!

It reminds me of an old post that I wrote about a phone psychic back when I was a desperate and crazy nutcase!! Eek! ….

Read and weep! And note that, obviously, not all psychics are created equal!!

============

Okay, I will admit to doing something that was very “desperate,” “impulsive” and “crazy.” (Shhh don’t tell anyone!) It was many years ago and the “craziness” came from being the mother of 2 autistic kids. For those of you who aren’t that familiar with raising autistic children, the craziness can be described as this:

One day you’re traveling down what can only be described as your “normal” and ordinary road which we will call “Typical Highway.” Everyone knows this road, and most of us even grew up traveling on this road. But then, one day, you just happen to be that 1 person out of 150 to hit a strange bump in the road and veer off onto another road called “Autism Path,” and no matter what kind of funky GPS system you happen to own, you cannot get off this road and back onto Typical Way—believe me, you try! So you take the road—a lot less traveled—and pray that you come out okay on the other side or back on Typical Way—or at least you pray that “someday” you do.

The only problem with Autism Path is that it’s very bumpy and costly and it’s a road that you’ve never taken or even seen before—and lonely, all of your friends are still on Typical Way and making it a lot easier and faster—and happier than you!

I also mentioned the word “impulsive“ which comes from being so very “desperate” to know how this “road” will turn out (because no one seems to know) that you actually pick up the phone and dial the number of an “on-the-web” psychic to tell you how it’s gonna be and what your future holds…

She swiped my credit card (yes, that’s right, I gave her my card number) and she read my palm–just minus my palm. She called it ((vibes)) and told me all about myself in one minute flat. Then I asked her: “What about my kids? What do you see!?” And she said: “I don’t see anything” but then told me for another swipe of my credit card and 10 more dollars, she would see what she could do!

Huh!

So I was actually thinking …

Still thinking!

More thinking going on!

“No!” I finally said, sounding dispirited (damn it!!)

Then I hung up.

Ughhhh!

Today, I am more familiar with Autism Path but I still don’t know where it’s going to lead me or where I (we) will end up… but I think I see some light at the end, somewhere. For those of you still miles behind me—I will let you know!