Comments on: A storm

By: Fearless Folks … autism and beyond … » Christmas rings in good spirits… and solutions

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:51:20 +0000

[...] are probably waiting to read how the rest of Meghan’s week went after the very first day. Well, it went well. She was fine and had no other outbursts. Typically when she’s home for [...]

By: MiaHysteria

MiaHysteria — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:17:28 +0000

Sigh. I’m so, so sorry.

This is exactly how we try to describe our son. He is like a 2 year old, maybe 3 (cognitively I think that’s truly his age – 3) who is 7, but his body is that of a 9 year old. It’s so incredibly difficult. It feels so incredibly hopeless at times.

My parents babysit me as well. They’re always a phone call away. Always calling to see how his night and day have gone to gauge whether or not they should just offer to be there, or just come. It’s terribly emasculating (I can’t think of any other word…maybe de-mothering) to feel as though you can’t ‘handle’ it yourself, but truly, we can’t.

I think my mind is starting to wrap around what you’re saying, what you’re not saying. I hear little inklings of it in the back of my mind, but refuse to listen. We have to have hope don’t we? And when it goes…that’s not a thing a mother wants to think of.

So, thank you for saying this. Thank you for making me feel normal. I don’t know if that’s all I wanted to say, so much as I understand.

By: Danna Skoy

Danna Skoy — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 22:24:39 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story. It is really hard to read. I’m sorry your Mom got hurt and that your girl had a tough moment. Not a great way to start the holiday.
I’m wishing you all the best. Please take good care.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:17:05 +0000

You are so okay. You are more than okay, and all your feelings are spot on and right. If you weren’t saying these things, I’d be worried that you were holding everything in and making yourself sick.

Keep tellin’ it like it is, girl. It helps everyone.

By: Holly

Holly — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 23:58:44 +0000

Thanks for your comments and support. It’s good to hear (read) what you all think too. Our lives with our autistic kids, or autistic ourselves, are complex and we need to know we can listen and support each other.

Candy, you are right. If we can’t admit how we feel, then we become depressed and resentful of our lives (um, been there!!!). I know you share some of the same experiences, so I’m glad you tell us what you think and how you feel!

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 09:04:33 +0000

I know as we all do you are doing the best you can. There is no shame in being relieved when she goes back. Man, it’s gotta be tough, I can only imagine.

By: Candy

Candy — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:27:31 +0000

Holly, I read your blog all the time, and want you to know you are doing the right thing by writing about the truth…the way you feel within you, and around you. Yes it’s tough, but it would be much worse if you held it in. Anger turned inward results in depression. You have never met me in person, but I’m walking this journey with you when I read your experiences.

By: Holly

Holly — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:45:10 +0000

Thanks for your understanding and support. And thanks, Mara, for your helpful perspective; it’s very comforting, it really is! Sometimes it’s hard to see ourselves and our lives as clearly as someone else sees them. One great reason to blog!

By: Tanya @ TeenAutism

Tanya @ TeenAutism — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:43:16 +0000

I’m so sorry, Holly. I wish I had something insightful to add, but I hope that my empathy will help. You are always in my thoughts.

By: mama edge

mama edge — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 23:49:36 +0000

I hope it helps to know how much you help me by “admitting” these things. I feel exactly the same way about my son, Taz, though when the thoughts are mine, I think “For shame.” When the thoughts are yours, I think, “Well, of course she feels that way.” Perhaps I can learn to have as much compassion for myself as I have for you. And perhaps this blog will give that gift to you, as well.

It is hard, my blogfriend, really, really hard. No shame in admitting that.