Fearless Folks … autism and beyond …

I had an interesting weekend with Meghan this past weekend. I ended up doing something that I didn’t want to do but then decided to do it. (Are you still with me?)

When Meghan got home on Friday at 1:00 pm (her usual time) she did what she always does when she comes home: she said a quick hello (well, barely), dropped her backpack in the foyer (she doesn’t care where it lands), and ran into the kitchen to cook herself her lunch.

Ohhh, lunch!!

I do try and interrupt her to get her to give me a warmer welcome, like: “Hey Meghan, glad to see you! Can I have a hug? ” Then she signs the gesture for hug (crossing her arms across her body), as if to say, There, there’s your hug, Mom, now leave me alone with my

lunch!

(Obviously you now know lunch is very important to her!!)

Now this is the tricky part. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t want to have to take Meghan to the store, I save that part for her much bigger and more adaptable dad. I have tried to orchestrate the routine so that when she’s home with me on Friday, we hang around the house, make her favorite foods, color, play on the computer, play outside, etc.. And then by Saturday, she will have the day with her dad and go to the market to pick up whatever she wants since it has become one of her favorite activities.

This routine is good in theory; however, I’ve realized that it’s not living in the real world. I’ve realized that one cannot set such a rigid routine in life. I realized this fact this past weekend.

Because Meghan likes to cook certain things for her lunch when she’s home, like: Annie’s Mac and Cheese (a whole pot full) and some ice cream for dessert, I of course, make sure that I have these items well in stock before she comes home—to make her happy so I don’t have to take her on a road trip to the supermarket by myself—what I’m trying to avoid at all cost.

Well, apparently, last Friday I forgot one of the most important ingredients for making her mac and cheese: The milk. We were completely out. So when Meghan opened the fridge, she started pointing to the missing milk and wiggling her fingers as if saying Where’s the milk, I MUST have milk!!

Ugh!

I started asking her if we could just use butter? Ha! No go! (I knew that! You probably knew that too!), you can’t make this kind of mac and cheese without the milk, let’s face it. But I’ve already told her that we weren’t going to the market! Several times, too. I told her that she and her dad would go as they always do on Saturday. I even had it on her schedule book (pecs), with a picture of her and her dad next to the (God forsaken) Stop and Shop picture. So I just looked at her and said “Can’t we just add a little cream?” Then she started getting upset. She collapsed in a chair and started pouting, looking like she was ready to hurt somebody—like me!!

So I get on the phone and called my neighbor, hoping that she had a cup of milk to spare, but she wasn’t home. Then I realized that she’s the only neighbor I know and can rely on for such things like a cup of milk or the proverbial cup of sugar. Then I thought how sad that was. How sad that I’ve become so isolated! At that point I was not only in panic mode, I was depressed too!

So I had to make a decision. Break the cycle of setting a routine—routines that Meghan likes to follow, and will follow once set—and take her to the market. Something that I was fearful to do on my own for reasons that I’ve explained before. Or do I hold out, be loyal to the set schedule and try to do without the milk, risking her having a meltdown and a ruined lunch.

What did I do? I’m wondering what you would have done?

What I did was gather her and her brother and took them to the market and let her buy what she wanted: milk, more mac and cheese, chocolate topping for the ice cream, a pie shell?? And then I ushered her to the check out line as quickly as possible so she couldn’t buy up the entire market of junk food.

I must say I wasn’t happy about going to the market on my own with her. I wasn’t comfortable doing it. I was fearful of being stuck there on my own because of what I know could happen (a meltdown, non-compliance). And it wasn’t that I was being negative and thinking about the worst-case scenario, it was that I was being realistic and safe.

In fact, as we were picking out ice-cream cones (did I mention ice cream cones, too) a mother and her young baby strolled by and I was thinking, what if Meghan had a meltdown and she hurt that little baby. My underarms started to perspire, and I could feel the tingling feeling of a panic attack approaching. I know this all sounds so terrible, but these are the thoughts of a woman who had a “not so clean” history with her child.

But it worked out this time. And I am already considering having my parents over to help me the next time Meghan comes home and wants to go to the market—because she probably will want to go. And as I was driving us home I was thinking, it’s not like she’s asking me to take her to the moon or anything, it’s just the supermarket.

Btw: Here are Meghan’s clever recipes from her well thought out shopping list (if you’re curious!!)

Pie Shell and Chocolate Sauce: Pour the entire container of chocolate sauce (the kind that freezes once applied to ice-cream) into the pie shell and freeze it. It ends up a cookie type dessert.

Ice-Cream Cones and Chocolate Sauce: Pour some of the same chocolate sauce into the cone and let harden for a minute or two in the freezer before adding the ice-cream to the cone. Note: Make two or three at the same time in anticipation that you will most likely have at least that many!!!

Mac and Cheese—the Cheesiest: Make a batch of Annie’s Homegrown Mac and Cheese by using 3 boxes of pasta to 6 boxes of cheese (did you get that??) . It’s extra cheesy mac and cheese. In fact, I’m going to write Annie’s Mac and Cheese company and have her add additional packages of cheese to the box and have her call it Meghan’s Mac and Cheese Version—just so we know!!

And there you go, your recipes of the day a la Meghan—Executive Chef