Teaching kids the beauty of work–yeah, right!!
My son is lazy, simple as that. I once said that I was more worried about Nick in life than I was for Meghan; funny how that is since Meghan is nonverbal and profoundly autistic. But it’s all about the work ethics that my kids seem to possess/not possess Meghan ranks high on this scale, while nick is scraping at the bottom. It’s true. Meghan loves to do chores all around the house, loves it! She will grab herself a bottle of Windex–and off she goes, cleaning windows and counters, bathroom areas and even the refrigerator. Nice! Sometimes she even sprays herself nice and clean (and sometimes this mom replaces the Windex with vinegar and water for that very reason!!). Nick, on the other hand, hates work of any kind, he groans when he has to do it because he likes leisure time better. “Who doesn’t,” I say, “but you have to have the balance of work and play,” which he still doesn’t understand, because he always asks, “why?” He especially hates school and tells me this every single morning before he gets in his bus. It’s a huge problem to have in life, and I once asked him how it was that he would get money if he doesn’t like to work. He said, “um, dah, from the bank, Mom!”
Yeah! we have a loooooonnng way to go. But since I know he loves the bookstore (Yay, I have a bookstore buddy!!) he will spend hours at the graphic novel section if I let him, and I almost do, at least an hour, three times a month. Lately, I got a clever idea and told him that he could buy a graphic novel (which he usually does anyway, at 20 bucks a pop) because he takes out the trash, collects the mail and puts his clothes away (even the dirty ones), so I said, “this will be your payment for the work, that you do, agreed?” He nodded his head. But I didn’t let it go, in the car I said, “doesn’t it feel good to work for those books? You can feel free to buy one because you know that you worked for it!! He nodded his head again.
Getting through to this boy will take more “work,” but I’m getting there. Meanwhile Meghan is taking on her very first paying job soon—and at 15, opening a bank account and getting an ATM card in her very own name. Ohhh, how nice is that!! And how different she is!!
Anyway, the reason why I told you about Nick and his poor work mentality is that I have to break the news to him—very soon– that he will be participating in a fund-raiser effort for his new Best Buddies group that he just joined (unwillingly, btw). (Best Buddies program was developed this year at his school, and I’m thrilled about it.) Anyway, somehow I have to tell him that on Saturday, he will have to wake up “early” on a day that he looks forward to sleeping in, go to school (that he hates) and, get this—wash cars. (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle…) And, um, do it for three.whole.hours, too!!
HA!! I just don’t know how to break it to him. In his eyes, he will be going to school on his day off, then he will tell me that he had school for 6 days instead of the 4 that he tries to get away with each week. Yeah, I’ve fallen for the : “cough, cough, oh Mom I don’t feel good,” routine twice already in the whole month of school.
Gahhh!
Sooo, if anyone is interested in having Nick wash your car, (hahahahah, I can’t help to laugh!) then hightail it to Plymouth North High School this Saturday and let me know how much washing vs. crying he is actually doing….It’s for a good cause, you know 
Tanya @ TeenAutism says:
September 24th, 2009 at
Nigel also seems to have a hard time understanding the concept of having a job. Hope the car-washing doesn’t meet with too much resistance!
Rachel says:
September 25th, 2009 at
Being a veteran autie-mom, you’ve probably already thought of this, but on the off-chance that you haven’t, I figured I’d mention it:
It’s possible that because Meghan is profoundly autistic, she’s intuitively found ways to give herself proprioceptive input–pressure on the joints, which is very calming to the nervous system. The things you describe her doing–cleaning the bathroom and the refrigerator–put a lot of pressure on her joints and that may be why she seeks out those tasks. I love strenuous physical work because the proprioceptive input allows me to relax.
As for Nick, I wonder whether he has some issues with his vestibular system (the system in the inner ear that controls balance, movement, and spatial orientation). If he does, it will make him averse to certain kinds of tasks. I have something called “severe gravitational insecurity,” which essentially means that my vestibular system works rather badly. If my head doesn’t remain in the same plane as my body, I get very dizzy and disoriented. For a good deal of my life, I thought that my resistance to setting a table, cooking a meal, and putting away dishes were all the result of extreme laziness and selfishness. Then, I got a sensory assessment, and it turns out that I was just resisting all these things because they require up-and-down motion that I can’t tolerate. To set the table, I have to reach up and get the dishes. To cook a meal, I have to reach down into the lower cabinets and get out the pots and pans. Just watching my OT lie down on a physioball with her head back was enough to make me sick to my stomach! It was a big relief to find all this out, though. I now do household tasks that I can do at eye level–like washing everyone’s dishes and doing laundry–because they don’t entail a lot of up-and-down motion.
Anyway, I hope this helps…
Holly says:
September 26th, 2009 at
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Rachel. I had not thought of it in this way. It’s funny because Nick does like his therapy swing that we have for him set up indoors, when it broke the other day and is now fixed, he got frustrated that he couldn’t enjoy his swing—the back and forth motion. So perhaps you are right, some activities he may not be able to tolerate–I will look at this further. Overall though, I don’t think he is the kind of boy who likes physical labor!!