Fearless Folks … autism and beyond …

Sometimes I think that I’m too busy or preoccupied while moving about my day, getting things done, that I become a bit too oblivious to my kids needs.  I was very much conscious of this fact when Meghan first went off to residential school, and I wanted to make sure that “both” my kids were okay with it.  It’s a terrible thing if one—or both—kids think that you have just dumped them off somewhere—like, you don’t want Meghan anymore?  I worked very hard to make sure they both knew that they were loved and that this was not a replacement of a loving home.  In fact, the word “home” is only used to indicate her home with her family—not her school.

I think about this often, and this past weekend when Meghan was “home” was no different. I walked into my bedroom and found both Meghan and Nick cuddled up together playing Cartoon Network games on my laptop.  Actually Nick was just watching Meghan play (Meghan can be a bit stingy this way), but he was enjoying his time with her.  It was so sweet to see, and I was thinking that this was Nick’s way of reconnecting with his sister and letting her know that he missed her.  What’s even more interesting is that before she left to live most of the time at school, (almost 2 whole years ago) they didn’t have this kind of close relationship.  In fact, it was the opposite.  Nick would be annoyed when Meghan came too close to him, or used his stuff.  And when Nick was playing on the computer, he would yell at her to leave him alone.  And when she wouldn’t (of course, the unrelenting nagging sister), they would end up rolling on the floor fighting—like dogs! Clawing at each other … blood gushing everywhere… (Ha!  Just kidding, I couldn’t resist!)  But one would start it (Meghan) and they would set each other off. 

Not anymore! He now has this special time with his sister when she comes home; sitting as close as possible, his head resting on her shoulder while she smiles away playing her games.

I wondered if I did this enough too.  Sometimes you realize that your kids really do tell you (show you) how to be a better parent.  I realized on the day she was leaving (Sunday) that I was too preoccupied with getting her ready…  Making her presentable… Making sure she had everything she needed in her backpack, and new clothes in her bag, that I forgot to have this special time with her, too.  I do, of course, enjoy these weekends with her.  And I tell her that I love her all the time—but that can become a bit rote sometimes, doesn’t it?  So I sat down on the side of the bed and let her feel my belly (something she likes to do) and I hugged her and told her that she was a very good girl… and a very special girl… and that everyone at home and at school loves her fun, carefree spirit.  I looked her in the eyes, and with a big smile, I asked her if she knew this, too?  No reply, only a smile. But I knew she enjoyed the hug, and I believe she “heard” the kind words.  In fact, we hugged and held on just a little bit longer than usual, at least until her bus beeped and I had to start pulling away.